Sometimes I just want to write and write in this little blog of mine, then I realize how many "real life" people read it. I am obviously aware, that when I click that publish button my words are out there and can never really be taken back.
Normally, the public nature of this blog doesn't bother me at all, I am all for speaking my mind and not playing all the games society expects us to be a part of. Cut all the bullshit and just say what you want to say. But then there are those times where I think, "would I want that friend from work asking me about this?"
Deciding where to draw the line is challenging. Especially for me, because I tend to over share... a lot. And this is definitely one of those times where I'm not sure that I want to have everyone see my vulnerable side, but I just need to get it all out of my head... ya know what I mean?
Do you ever just feel like you are chasing after people and you don't even really know why?
I'm not trying to sound totally full of myself, but I think that I am an amazing friend. I'm kind, caring, generous, and extremely forgiving. When I find someone that I actually feel that connection with, I latch on and try really hard to make sure that it works out. I really don't care for all that many people, so when I like you, shit gets serious quickly.
I guess I'm just not sure if I'm trying to hard or if they aren't trying enough... Another friend asked me, "what are you getting out of the friendship?" Of course, I wasn't quite sure. Sometimes its amazing, fun, and makes me really happy. Other times (which of course are the ones we focus on), it isn't like that at all. I don't like to admit how dependent my emotions are on other people, but they really are.
I am just trying to focus on myself right now. The things I can change and what I can do to make myself happy.
Turns out, what they say about exercise is true. I have been working out every day and it is significantly improving my mental state. Anger/sadness is a great motivator, and when you're finished, you are far too tired to still be upset.
When in doubt, squat those feelings out ;)